Currently? I’m sipping wine, listening to the soft rock channel on AT&T and taking a break from cleaning my disaster of a house. How does it get so dirty so quickly?
Oh, right. These guys…
With all the Kardashian talk, Jessica Simpson’s baby and (though it was a while ago now) Nick Lechey’s wedding, I can’t help but think about marriage and what it means (and what’s left after divorce).
I can’t imagine that much would be left of me if Mr. Husband and I ever divorced. We’ve been together all of my adult life. We were 17 when we fell in love. I know, blah blah blah. How many times, I bet you’re all wondering, can this girl drone on and on about her husband and how they’ve been together forever. That’s not the point. The point is to be real. And if I’m being real, there would be no media reporting that I’m doing “A-OK” after the split. I would be a disaster. I would be a mess. I went into my marriage with the mindset that this is it. There is no other option. I chose him, and that’s it.
When we fight, we fight hard. We argue too, a lot. We’re normal. But that D word is never ever brought up. Not even in our nastiest of fights. Because even while we’re fighting, it’s in the forefront of our minds that “this will pass.” I’ve never had to question if my husband actually loves me, even when we’re in the middle of our roughest of fights. Even through the harshest of words. Because we’ve already survived everything that life has thrown at us so far. And that was all before the real “commitment” was made. Although, if you’d ask either of us, we’d both say we were in it to win it from the get go. There were so many times that we could have walked away when we were just dating, and it probably would have been easy (you know, minus the nasty cry face and empty chest feeling). But we didn’t because we knew it would be worth it. We made it worth it.
As I mentioned before, I’m listening to AT&T’s soft rock channel. And how ironic that Nick Lechay’s “What’s Left Of Me” just came on as I started this post. And it kind of breaks my heart that people move on past a life they used to have. Past people they used to love. Love isn’t a guarantee. And if you’re lucky, you fall in love once. How do these people just walk in and out of marriage so easily?
And as for the Kardashian mess, I don’t get it. How can you “love” someone enough to marry them, to commit your LIFE to them, and 72 days later, something changes that? 72 days after my marriage, I won’t lie. We were in a dark place. I remember visiting friends of ours and complaining to my best friend that I had no idea that marriage would be like that. We were still settling in. Mr. Husband and I were fighting constantly. We couldn’t say anything without being down each other’s throats. Even now still, I’m not sure why that was. Life, maybe? Just adjusting to joining two lives together and realizing it’s permanent?
If you’re on the brink of marriage, or considering it, or wondering what it’s like, I’m here to tell you it’s the most wonderful, reassuring, painful, confusing, trying thing I’ve ever been a part of. Like I like to say, I always love my husband. I just don’t always like him very much. Sometimes things happen. Sometimes you’ll hurt each other’s feelings. Sometimes money will be tight (ha, who are we kidding? Money will always be tight). Sometimes you’ll make mistakes. Sometimes you’ll roll over in the middle of the night and they’ll wrap their arms around you and hug you close. But promise me this, love won’t be a sometimes thing.
Love is forever. It’s constant. If it’s not a factor in the recipe, your marriage will be bitter.