Lessons: The Hard Way with Fit Fierce and Fabulous

It’s that time again!  I’m so grateful to have Caitlin from Fit, Fierce and Fabulous visiting today!  She’s kind enough to share with us an experience which I’m sure is difficult for her to talk about.  Let’s show her some love.

 

Hi Friends! I’m so excited to be here for ! When I saw a few people posting about life lessons I knew I had to share one that occured about 5 years ago.

Life Lesson

After a difficult break up my senior year of high-school, I was refusing to date and vow to be single until I really found someone I could trust, love, and considerable, have a long term relationship with. I dated here and there and into the spring of my freshman year of college, I met a boy at a restaurant that I was working at. Let’s call the boy, Steve. ( I won’t use his real name )

Steve was good looking, kind, sweet, sensitive, and gave me huge butterflies every time I stared into those blue eyes of his. Throughout the entire summer, we shared stories of our past, goals for our future, and made every possible moment to be together before I was going to transfer to a new college in the fall. When I left for my new school, I was sad but I told him we would be able to make it because I felt so strong about our relationship, and even though long distance relationships have hurt others, I knew we would be ok.

A few weeks after leaving, Steve started to change. He would constantly ask me where I was going, who I was with, what I was doing, and when I would be back. I would have to call him every time I left my dorm room, and when I was coming home. I would get threats of who I was sleeping with, or making out with just for calling him 2 minutes AFTER I said I would be home from a friends house. ( First off- I have never cheated on any one of my past boyfriends, and this seriously came as a shock to me!)
Suddenly, my friends and family started to notice a huge change in me. I would cry almost every single day from fighting with him or friends.  I became depressed, even suicidal at one point.
“It would be okay tomorrow” I kept telling myself- but it was an endless cycle of verbal abuse that I became numb too. I was called everything in the book..how a horrible person I was to society..and how I made his life miserable. I wasn’t allowed to travel anywhere, and if I came home on weekends, it was always to spend it with him watching endless reruns in my cold basement.
But I loved this man right?
arrowright.GIF (601 bytes) Phase 1 – TENSION BUILDING:
Tension increases, breakdown of communication, victim feels need to placate the abuser.
arrowdown.GIF (574 bytes)
Phase 4 – CALM:
Incident is “forgotten”, no abuse is taking place.
Cycle of Abuse Phase 2 – INCIDENT:
Verbal and emotional abuse.  Anger, blaming, arguing.  Threats.  Intimidation.
arrowup.GIF (560 bytes) Phase 3 – RECONCILIATION:
Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, denies the abuse occurred, or says it wasn’t as bad as the victim claims.
arrowleft.GIF (597 bytes)
I know what you’re thinking- GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT! And believe me- we had our break ups almost every other day (always him breaking up with me..then calling me a few hours later to apologize and say how much he loves me)
FINALLY
After 9 months of abuse- I was at a meeting with a few friends and I got a text message wondering why I hadn’t answered his phone call. I told him I was at a meeting and would call him later. As usual, he went crazy, telling me be was I a B** and other things for not picking up on the first ring.Something snapped in me, and I excused myself from the meeting, walked outside and let it all out.

I screamed,  I cried, and I let 9 months of built up pain and anger came flying out of my mouth and into the phone. I told him it was over. I was done being a doormat, and I was going to move on without him. It took a few days to recover and with the help of amazing friends and family members, I started to get back to who I was again.

So that is my biggest life lesson, and I wouldn’t wish what I went through on anyone. Today I am currently engaged to the true love of my life and with every day passing, I realize that despite this difficult bump in the road, I am where I need to be in life.

“You are brave. You are strong. You deserve a second chance at life.”
Cheers friends :)

Do you know anyone in an abusive relationship?
How have you helped yourself/them go through it?

 

Thank you so much for sharing, Caitlin.  I’m so sorry you had to go through a relationship like that.  I’m thankful you found your way out of it.

 

If you’re interested in sharing in Lessons: The Hard Way, shoot me an email at iwrite23 [at] gmail [dot] com

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About JoElizabeth

I am a writer who loves to explore all different types of relationships. I am most happy when surrounded by my loved ones and furry children. I've never met a stranger, and I talk way too much. My favorite things to do are eat {preferably at a restaurant} with good friends, write, watch DVDs of TV series {especially FRIENDS}, drink lots of coffee and learn.
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