Do you ever get angry? Fed up? Lost in the every day of life and forget all the rest?
My husband and I have been together for almost eight years. That’s a really really long time. Especially when you take in to account that we are 24 and 25 years old. We spent a lot of our “growing” years together. It’s hard to go in to a relationship when you’re that young and come out on the other side of it 1) anything like the person you were when that person fell in love with you and 2) still in love with the person who loves you as the person they now are as a grown up. Somehow, my husband and I did that. We were kids when we met…13. We were still kid-ish when we fell in love. Which actually happened at the same time we started dating. It wasn’t one then the other. It was both at the same time. He pursued me long enough that when we made the executive decision to finally give it a go, we were both already emotionally invested.
Last night I dreamt that my husband and I weren’t together anymore. I don’t know what happened. And I don’t know when it had happened, it wasn’t immediately after the break up. For some reason, none of that was the point. The point of the dream was the empty feeling I had. That cold running through your veins feeling. I’m sure this all stemmed from a conversation I had with my best friend this past weekend about how I couldn’t imagine if my life had turned out any other way.
It’s been a long long time since I’ve experienced that break up feeling. But it’s so easy to identify and so hard to forget. And the second I felt it, I shook myself awake. And as I laid there in bed sandwiched between both cats with my husband lying next to me, a flood rushed through me. I saw everything. The good. The bad. And even the ugly of our relationship. I saw him stopping to rescue my mom and me in the high school parking lot when my car broke down. I saw crying in the Philly’s parking lot when he came to tell me that his mom had banned him from seeing me anymore. I saw our first kiss and could almost taste the tears that ran down my face that night. I saw his expression when I walked down the aisle.
I rolled over and snuggled in to him and just whispered to him don’t ever leave me. I knew he was asleep and couldn’t hear me. But I was surprised when he whispered back I never would.
Sometime we get so sucked in to every moment that we forget the consequences of our behavior and actions. And we forget to remember that we love the people in our lives and would be trembling messes if they were gone. Take a moment out of your day to remember why you love who you love. Even if you’re steaming mad at them right now. Even if they forgot to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer and your clothes are all moldy now. Even if they hog the TV. Even if they forgot to pull the meat out of the freezer for tonight’s dinner.
Because you know what? None of that really matters in love.