We were only about ten miles from our exit. Who knew so much drama could unfold so quickly. I know, those of you who know me are probably shaking your heads because you know me too well.
J was driving. It was late, about 11pm. And he just wanted to go fast in the fast lane. And not even that fast, maybe 5 over? Was that too much to ask? Well, I guess so. There was a blue van in front of us in the fast lane and a small white car in the right lane. They were traveling at just the right speed that we couldn’t pass no matter which way you played it. Stuck. Which was fine with me, I reminded my loving husband. We’re almost home, just don’t worry about it…
But they’re going 10 under the speed limit in the fast lane!
So he sped up. I could almost see every knick and scratch in the van’s blue paint. And then the inevitable started: my darling husband started trash talking to the van rear end. I’ll admit, there is hardly anything more frustrating than a car going slow in the fast lane, but I was tired and we had our baby pup in the back seat. And we were almost home. It didn’t seem like that big a deal…
I was wrong. Finally, the white car sped up just enough to leave the tiniest of openings for us to pass the horrid blue van. J swerved into the right lane and slammed on the gas; so did the van. Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! So J, thankful the van was finally going the speed limit and willing to put it’s poor driving behind him, got back into the left lane. The van slammed on the breaks.
So J sped up.
The van slowed even more. J and I both were fuming. The dumb kids couldn’t just leave us alone.
And then, as if out of no where, an opening. J swerved into the right lane and gunned it. He passed them and jutted back over, effectively cutting the stupid van off. What I did next, I don’t have much of an explanation for, but I did it and I can’t take it back now. I switched on the interior light and…well, I flicked them off. I was mad. But that’s no excuse. J passed the car on our right as well, and he got back over into the right lane. Finally. We were traveling at an appropriate speed and away from the jerks in the van. I thought.
The van crept up on our tail to our left. Oh gosh. Oh gosh oh gosh, they’re going to shoot us.
Hush, they aren’t going to shoot us!
J sped up.
The van sped faster and passes us quickly. They exit onto the loop. We exit onto the loop. Great, more fun. I grumbled. The van took off, J took off behind it.
Honey? Please. We’re almost home.
::the sound of the engine accelerating::
Seriously, take it easy. I feel like I’m in the beginning of a Clark Griswald movie.
J eased his speed and got into the right lane. The van moved into the right lane ahead of us and slowed down, waaaaay down. The van exited at our exit. We follow unintentionally (we live there!) but joke that the van passengers were probably freaking out thinking we were following them.
About a mile after we exit, the van put on it’s left blinker and merged into the turn lane. Our chance to look the suckers in the eyes, stupid teenagers.
We pass to find not two teenagers but an elderly man and woman. J starts to laugh. I laugh too, and then came to a realization.
Oh, my gosh! I flicked off Grandma and Grandpa!!!!
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn’t give in to road rage!!!!