I remember having days back in high school when I’d sit in my bedroom at the end of the day, ready for bed, and have a CD on repeat. The CD typically changed through out the years, but the chant I’d repeat over and over in my head didn’t: this too shall pass.
I encountered some nasty, terrible and hard things in high school. I was the girl everyone loved to pick on and gossip about. I was the girl who had mean things taped to her locker and whose boyfriends always found someone better. No matter how old I get or how far removed I am from any of those situations, I will never forget the unique feeling of what my parents and sisters would call drama. You know, that feeling when you realize someone is talking about you or that tightness you feel in your chest when you find a nasty away message on AIM directed right at you. It’s like someone is pumping ice cold water through your veins.
I remember days when I’d wake up and actually have to will myself to get out of bed and go to school. Each step was another fear conquered: if you get out of bed, I’ll be happy. If you take a shower: if you get ready: if you drive yourself to school: if you get out of the car. Facing confrontation like that used to make my head spin, my body numb and my throat dry. It was almost as if as I went through each moment, I could feel myself getting stronger. I often times thought about each batch of new drama that came through like a contraction that I had to breathe my way through with someone telling me “you’re through the worst of it.”
Luckily, that kind of drama seems to fade away as you get older. But unfortunately, I feel like it’s practice for real problems. It helped you build strength to face things you’d rather ignore because as you get older, those things become more important and you really shouldn’t ignore them.
It doesn’t matter how old I get. Some days, at the end of the day, I just want to cry it out while listening to a CD with my chant on repeat: this too shall pass. this too shall pass. this too shall pass.
Breathe in. Breathe out. You’re almost through the worst of it.