just starting out

The new romance.  Do you long-term relationshipers remember it?  I just spent at weekend with my very best friends and fiance.  My best friend {and maid of honor} happens to be dating my fiance’s best friend {and best man}.  I know, perfect set up, right?

Well, J and I have been together for 6.5 wonderful years.  And I wouldn’t trade our comfort in our relationship for anything. But it’s also been a long time since the “getting to know you” phase.  I can be as whiny and annoying and difficult as I want to be with J because, well, he puts up with it. :)  But it was interesting to see the different dynamic of the couples this weekend.

K and E have been dating for roughly eight months.  And that’s a BIG deal, if you were to know my friend.  And I’ll tell you one thing, these two couldn’t be any more perfect for each other.  But it’s also fun to see how they interact with each other.  For one reason, I’ve never really seen K in a full fledged relationship.  And the other reason is that they’re so polite to each other.  All the time.  And I know that’s how people should be with people they care about, but they truly consider what the other wants to do before making any decisions.  Where as J and I will fuss and argue until one of us wins.  I don’t mean to make our relationship sounds so cold, but he and I are just very stubborn individuals.  But you know what, it works.  And that’s okay.

We once did the “polite” thing too.  In fact, our polite phase lasted much longer than most relationships due to the difficulty of our relationship and distance between us {first accessibility then physically}.  But then one day, I couldn’t tell you which, a switch was flipped.  Like breaking boundaries.  That seemed to happen over night.  And J and I have had all boundaries broken for many years now, so it’s easy for us to forget they were ever in place.  But spending time with K & E reminded us of our early days.  And we got to talking about them.

It’s funny to look back at the couple J and I were many years ago and see that couple as the same two people we are now.  Granted, we were kids when we were starting out, and we’ve certainly grown up so much since then.  Luckily, J and I are and probably always will be very smitten with each other, something a lot of couples probably can’t say, and that helps with the lack of boundaries.  While we may not always be polite to each other, we do consider each other greatly in most decisions.  At least the big ones.  But I like getting my way, and he lets me most of the time.  But I mean, c’mon.  You’ve got to eat at the restaurant he wants sometimes, right?

So for you long termers, take a second to think back to when you first started out.  When every kiss was magic, and all you wanted was to spend time together. Those tiny decisions won’t seem to hold as much weight anymore.  Try to think of it as: What Would The Early Us Do?

I know that seems so lame, but think back to when you were actually afraid to hurt their feelings or seem selfish.  I bet you’ll enjoy your time together much more.

So that’s my challenge to you.  Try to regard each other as if you just started out.  It’s your first date.  Seems like a fun little project, right?  Let me know how you do!

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About JoElizabeth

I am a writer who loves to explore all different types of relationships. I am most happy when surrounded by my loved ones and furry children. I've never met a stranger, and I talk way too much. My favorite things to do are eat {preferably at a restaurant} with good friends, write, watch DVDs of TV series {especially FRIENDS}, drink lots of coffee and learn.
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