push it all away [86]

Just a quick report that my fever has finally broken, and I’m actually starting to feel more human today! yay!

I was sitting in my bedroom drowning in my own tears. Their taste was too familiar, and I didn’t know how to make them stop. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of him. Reminded of how he ripped my heart from my chest and didn’t care. I was reminded of all his promises that he broke and all that he took from me. I was alone and my tears just weren’t running dry. I was lost and didn’t know where to turn. The one person I would have relied on through all of this was no longer in my life. He wouldn’t let me talk to her. And when you’re in high school and you stop talking to your best friend, they disappear from your life. I’d pushed everyone away to be with someone who didn’t want me anymore. He was off with his buddies, and I was left alone. How did that make sense?
Then the radio pulled a mean trick on me. Daniel Beddingfield’s If You’re Not The One started bleeding from my speakers, and I lost it. I couldn’t hold back anymore, and I picked up the phone and dialed an old familiar number. As it rang, my heart raced. When she answered, my sobs became uncontrollable.
K. He ended it. It’s over. I need you.
I waited patiently for a response. But there was none. She’d hung up on me. I supposed I’d deserved that. It had been months since we last talked, and even then it wasn’t pleasant. We’d fought more since I’d started dating him than we ever had. She didn’t approve. He didn’t like her. I’m sure he saw that she knew better for me and would try to talk me out of being with him. I wish I’d listened. I’d created this mess for myself, and I would have to deal with the fact that I was now alone. I curled into the fetal position and let the sobs consume me. There was no going back. It was over.
I heard the doorbell ring and wished I wasn’t home alone. I didn’t want to deal with anyone. Not now. Couldn’t the UPS man just leave the package and leave me be. I’m sure that’s who it was. That’s who it only ever was. I picked a tissue from the sea of tissues and wiped my eyes and blew my nose. But there was no hiding the red splotches that always surfaced when I cried that hard. I didn’t care.
I swung open the door and my breath caught in my chest.
K gave me her most sympathetic look and collected me in a hug.

About JoElizabeth

I am a writer who loves to explore all different types of relationships. I am most happy when surrounded by my loved ones and furry children. I've never met a stranger, and I talk way too much. My favorite things to do are eat {preferably at a restaurant} with good friends, write, watch DVDs of TV series {especially FRIENDS}, drink lots of coffee and learn.
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