It’s the morning after.
He told me yesterday that he just didn’t feel the same anymore.
That means you don’t like me anymore. What’s wrong with me?
Yesterday, I cried. I walked blindly through the crowded halls to find my best friend behind the band stand with her mom.
Go. A girl only cries like that in high school for one reason.
Yesterday, I analyzed everything.
Yesterday I was hurt.
Yesterday was a day for endings.
Yesterday I lost one of my best friends.
Today, I woke up with puffy eyes. I took the extra time to straighten my frizzy, curly hair. Today I carefully applied purple shadow and black liner. Today I’d try my best to prove I just didn’t care. I’m over it, I told myself.
I rode with my brother today. My usual ride didn’t like me anymore. It’s okay. I can breathe. Today I arrived later than normal to school. When I made it to the band room, the doors were already open. He was already there. I stood in the doorway for just a moment. I watched his easy smile as he laughed with our friends. He doesn’t care. I felt the tears sting my eyes. no no no no. I swallowed hard and brushed the hair out of my face. My world seemed to slow as I took my steps carefully. I kept my eyes forward and walked to my locker; I passed right by him. I never looked. It hurt so badly. Breathe.
Today I felt the eyes on me, and I had to just keep on walking. Today I tried my best to be okay.
Today I am broken.
When I got home today, I cried. I played only the saddest songs on my CDs. I took all of his pictures off of my walls.
When I had my appendix removed not too long ago, my mother told me some advice about my pain. She said, “I know it hurts right now. But it will hurt a little less each day. And one day you’ll wake up and think ‘huh, it doesn’t hurt anymore.'”
Today is the start of a long recovery.
Tomorrow I hope it doesn’t hurt as bad.