the first day as just me, again. [77]

It’s the morning after.  

He told me yesterday that he just didn’t feel the same anymore.
That means you don’t like me anymore.  What’s wrong with me?
Yesterday, I cried.  I walked blindly through the crowded halls to find my best friend behind the band stand with her mom.
Go.  A girl only cries like that in high school for one reason.
Yesterday, I analyzed everything.  
Yesterday I was hurt. 
Yesterday was a day for endings.
Yesterday I lost one of my best friends.
Today, I woke up with puffy eyes.  I took the extra time to straighten my frizzy, curly hair.  Today I carefully applied purple shadow and black liner.  Today I’d try my best to prove I just didn’t care.  I’m over it, I told myself.
I rode with my brother today.  My usual ride didn’t like me anymore.  It’s okay.  I can breathe.  Today I arrived later than normal to school.  When I made it to the band room, the doors were already open.  He was already there.  I stood in the doorway for just a moment.  I watched his easy smile as he laughed with our friends.  He doesn’t care.  I felt the tears sting my eyes.  no no no no.  I swallowed hard and brushed the hair out of my face.  My world seemed to slow as I took my steps carefully.  I kept my eyes forward and walked to my locker; I passed right by him.  I never looked.  It hurt so badly.  Breathe.  
Today I felt the eyes on me, and I had to just keep on walking.  Today I tried my best to be okay.  
Today I am broken.
When I got home today, I cried.  I played only the saddest songs on my CDs.  I took all of his pictures off of my walls.  
When I had my appendix removed not too long ago, my mother told me some advice about my pain.  She said, “I know it hurts right now.  But it will hurt a little less each day.  And one day you’ll wake up and think ‘huh, it doesn’t hurt anymore.'”
Today is the start of a long recovery. 
Tomorrow I hope it doesn’t hurt as bad.
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About JoElizabeth

I am a writer who loves to explore all different types of relationships. I am most happy when surrounded by my loved ones and furry children. I've never met a stranger, and I talk way too much. My favorite things to do are eat {preferably at a restaurant} with good friends, write, watch DVDs of TV series {especially FRIENDS}, drink lots of coffee and learn.
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