Old Friend from Far Away–Natalie Goldberg. Welcome, my new buddy. I have decided to aid my new journey with a writing tool. This book is for the practice of writing a memoir. It gives me little assignments to help me keep my creative juices flowing as well as to keep me writing and to remind myself to turn off my editor hand (all writers know what that is ;)) while purging. The best writing is done this way. So just know that I will be keeping to this–so no judgements of mistakes or sentences that don’t make any sense–it’s all a part of the wonderful writing process. So here it is–raw.
I am looking at:
I am looking at my giant (to me) tv sitting atop my ghetto hot pink bookshelf. This tv reminds me of the day we went to take a microwave to get fixed and ended up with a tv? yeah, makes no sense to me either, but it has accompanied me through my last three apartments, so I’m happy to keep it. My ghetto pink bookshelf has been through a lot too. It has been moved, battered, stored in the garage & basement. I’m not really sure why it’s hot pink? Why did I think that was a good idea? I am looking at my sneakers on the floor. They are old. I can’t even remember when I purchased them. perhaps a long long time ago? Before college? They are fairly clean as I am not the athletic type. I never wore them to geno’s either. I don’t know why this is. I am looking at my coach bag sitting on the “kitchen” chair in my living room. This bag reminds me of sitting in oh, what’s that restaurant’s name? Sagebrush maybe? It’s in boone. This was my anniversary present from Jonathan one year. I don’t remember which year. That’s probably sad. But it was a big surprise. It was the first time he bought me a gift without any prodding & got it completely right all on his own. I was proud and surprised. Both good feelings. I am looking at my toes. They need a repaint. They are pink–for Samantha. I can’t remember when I painted them, though. That’s probably sad too. My memory really isn’t as good as I thought it was. Hmph. I’ll re-paint them tonight along with my finger nails. My favorite polish by OPI is Senorita Roselita. Perhaps I’ll use that one tonight. I am looking at the box to the 4 & 5th seasons of Gilmore Girls. I don’t know why they are out. I should put them away. That reminds me–I think one of the discs is running on repeat behind my turned off tv. I’m going to burn out my DVD player one day this way. hmph. I am looking at my quote book sitting on my “kitchen” table. I really need to add more quotes to that, huh? I haven’t written in it in a long time. I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied. Only 6 more minutes of writing, but I just cleaned so I’m running out of things that “i’m looking at.” I am looking at the power cord to my computer. I might have to get a new one soon. Webster has made it a chew toy. Bad kitty. Very bad kitty! I am looking at my degree. It’s sitting on top my filing cabinet. Sometimes I really can’t determine what it’s good for. Are these degrees even worth anything aside from the dollars our parent’s spent on them? That’s a really expensive piece of paper that I’m afraid isn’t returning on it’s investment. That’s a shame. It’s really a shame. It kind of breaks my heart. It makes me so sad to know that those long long hours of studying, walking to class in the freezing cold, writing til my fingers bled are pretty much good for nothing. How can that be?
I’m thinking of:
I’m thinking of work tomorrow. I am thinking of the pain that wont subside in my wrist. two surgeries and it still hurts. that’s lame. I am thinking about my wedding dress. I can’t wait to wear it!! I can’t wait for everyone to see it. I am thinking about ice cream, but my stomach hurts (again) so I probably shouldn’t have any. I am thinking of the first time I heard this song, (Vanessa Carlton-White Houses), I was in HS. I didn’t realize the song was about a girl losing her virginity though. I probably wouldn’t have liked it as much if I had. I was so naive then, sometimes I want that back. I am thinking about Ten Things I hate about You. The song “Even angel’s Fall” just came on–this song comes on towards the end of that movie. Is it sad that I watched that movie nearly every single day of the summer before my freshman year because I wanted to be just like Bianca when I got to HS? Yes, I can answer that one myself. Who in their sane mind would want to be like that? A young soon to be freshmen girl, I suppose. I am thinking about the fact that I STILL have some Engagement card/save the dates to address, stuff & mail out tonight. Will it ever end? I am thinking about my engagement ring. I probably need to get it cleaned. I wonder also when I need to get it inspected/insured, etc. How much money is that going to cost me? Man, weddings are too freaking expensive. Now I see why people just elope. too too much money spent on just ONE day. Can you believe that? All this planning, all this stress, everything that goes into it, and it’s just ONE day? I can see how people lose sight of the marriage in preparation for the wedding. getting married, getting married, getting married–not having a wedding. that’s my new tauntra/chant. five more minutes of this. uhm…what else am I thinking about? I am thinking of church this morning. I definitely like St. Francis a lot better than St. Catherine’s. There just something about the big open space that doesn’t make me feel so closed in. So forced. It was much more enjoyable, that’s for sure. I am thinking about why this yellowcard song is even on my writing mix? I’m sure I put it there purposely, but I don’t even think I like it? Yellowcard always reminds me of the drive between ASU & WCU. I used to put the cd on repeat & just drive through the mountains. I hated that drive. I hated WCU. I’m so glad I only had to be there one year. Anything more would have killed me, literally. I couldn’t stand being so isolated. Being that far from home sucked too–although I hardly made the trips home when I moved to Boone, it was just the fact that if I NEEDED to get home for something, it wasn’t a big deal. It was exactly 3 hours from the parking lot of my apartment to my parent’s drive way. Thank god for that. Boone makes me think about football and fall leaves. I’m going to miss that this year. I was too excited to be out of school last fall to care that I wasn’t there–I care this year. I want to make it to a few football games, I hope. Maybe once it’s cooler. I love fall days in boone–they are the best.
So twenty minutes of writing. I just read through it, and it’s the pure epitome of “stream of consciousness” writing. I apologize for the randomness of this post. The other assignments are more topical so they will be a little easier to read–I hope.