.something borrowed. something new. [20]

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it actually hurts you?  I know that saying is such a cliche–but I never realized how true it really could be.  I feel like when you are chasing a dream you have all the hope in the world–but you also run the risk of losing it all.  It’s kind of like when you first start dating someone new.

You’re so excited.  You want to spend all your time with them.  You daydream about your future, and you may even tag their last name to your first name.  Everything is bliss.  All you can do is see the good because what could be bad?
And then one night you can’t fall asleep.  You lay awake scanning your mind of all the things that could possibly go wrong.  Of all the things you could lose.  And you realize you could lose it all.  You might think you have it all now, but what happens when it’s over?  Is the relationship not worth having if it’s just going to end?  
Is the journey not worth taking if you just end up lost?
Is the dream just not worth chasing if it’s just going to hurt you in the end?
I never want to know what my future holds for me for real.  I would hate to know the day in which I will die.  I would hate to have every second of my day be something I expect.  How boring would that life be?  But sometimes I can’t help but wish and pray that I could see where all of this is going.  
Again–it’s like the start of a new relationship.  Is it worth pouring your whole self into?  Is it worth the sacrifices you might have to make.  Is it stable, reliable, wonderful?  Is this it?  The one?  Your search’s end?  I bet if you asked any woman (and maybe even any man) they would all want to know who their “one” was to avoid all the struggle, hurt & pain.  It would save so much time and anguish.  But what kind of life would that be?
Is a dream really ever worth chasing?  
As you all probably know by now, I find so much inspiration through an unexpected source–my Wedding Photographer & her amazing life.  She (and somehow all of her friends) are so full of talent it’s unreal.  As if that weren’t enough–her faith is unwavering and is her driving force in everything she does.  It makes me wonder if I have all my priorities all messed up.  I wonder if that is what’s tripping me.  I wonder if these walls on my heart and the walls in my mind are all related to my wall in my faith.  I’ve tried to knock the wall down a few times without success.  I’m not really sure anymore what built it in the first place.
So maybe I was wrong.  Maybe I didn’t see things from every angle, and I let the hope of chasing the dream cloud my otherwise sensitive heart.  I can’t believe how blind I can be sometimes.  
I think it’s about time I find a solution and knock down my walls.   

About JoElizabeth

I am a writer who loves to explore all different types of relationships. I am most happy when surrounded by my loved ones and furry children. I've never met a stranger, and I talk way too much. My favorite things to do are eat {preferably at a restaurant} with good friends, write, watch DVDs of TV series {especially FRIENDS}, drink lots of coffee and learn.
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