…The Fear…

I gave my notice.  I now have the fear….  Like on Friends?  Remember?  Chandler convinces Rachel that she’ll never have the motivation to find her dream job as long as she is working at Central Perk so she quits.  This is apparently called “the fear.”  Well…I’ve got it.

Now what?
This would probably be easier if I had ANY clue what I wanted to do.  Yes, I know.  Write.  Write what?  
I got to catch up with an old friend today.  Well, she’s more of an old new friend really.  We had only just begun our friendship when we unfortunately had a bit of a falling out.  It was all just situational and probably necessary at the time.  It’s amazing to me how certain people are meant to come in and out of your life at a certain time.  It was nice to speak with her today, especially since we are in the same “unhappy boat.”  I hate that this seems to be happening to so many of my peers right now.  How is it that we all have college degrees and can’t find anything to keep a roof over our heads?  This is starting to seem strangely ridiculous.  
I finished the Gilmore Girls series today.  It made me feel a little sad to finish it.  Yes, I know that is pathetic.  But honestly it was the only distraction I had right now.  Whenever I watch a series finale, I always feel sad for the actors.  I watch their faces, and I can almost feel their pride and pain to be a part of something so wonderful that is ending.  I wish I could have that feeling.  The feeling of being so proud to be a part of something, even if it was ending.   I wonder if I’ll ever have something like that.  Something so perfect in my life that it feels like I should have been doing it all along.  I really wonder what that is.  I really wonder what it is I’m supposed to be doing.  
The last few episodes of Gilmore Girls follow Rory and her graduation from Yale and where her life is headed afterwards.  It’s so sweet to see how proud her family and stars hollow friends are of her.  Watching it made me remember how proud I felt when I was done.  I had my whole life ahead of me last year.  I remember thinking in the last few minutes of my graduation ceremony that I had greatness ahead of me.  If only I knew, huh?
I thought I’d be more settled by now.  I thought I’d be financially stable and carefree (for the most part).  I feel like I just took so many steps backwards, and I’m right back where I started from last year.  I just don’t understand.
How did I get here?
 I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me
cause I’m still trying to figure it out
don’t know what’s down this road, I’m just walking
trying to see through the rain coming down
even though I’m not the only one
who feels the way I do.

I’m alone, On my own, and thats all i know
I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh but life goes on
Oh I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
and I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve
feeling lucky today, got the sunshine.
could you tell me what more do I need
and tomorrow’s just a mystery, oh yeah
but that’s ok

I’m alone, On my own, and im starting off
I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh but life goes on
Oh I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

maybe I’m just a girl on a mission
but I’m ready to fly..

I’m alone, On my own, and thats all i know
Oh I’ll be strong, I’ll be wrong, oh but life goes on
OH I’m alone, On my own, and thats all i know
Oh I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

-Taylor Swift A Place in This World

Until Next Time….
XOXO
  
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About JoElizabeth

I am a writer who loves to explore all different types of relationships. I am most happy when surrounded by my loved ones and furry children. I've never met a stranger, and I talk way too much. My favorite things to do are eat {preferably at a restaurant} with good friends, write, watch DVDs of TV series {especially FRIENDS}, drink lots of coffee and learn.
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