Do we all have a small place in this big world?

My life is a series of beginnings and endings.  I am constantly growing restless.  I am always searching for something more.  I refuse to settle.  I’m still trying to find my place in this world.  I’m nearly twenty-three, and I’m still so lost.  I’ve done the school thing.  I’ve pulled the all-nighters and I’ve crammed for the exams.  That chapter of my life is definitely over.  I’ve yet to see what it was good for, though.  How is it that we all end up exactly where we are?  What decisions would I have had to make differently to end up someplace completely different?  How did we get here?

I have a college degree, and I’m working in a tanning bed.  And for some bizarre reason at one point I thought this was a great idea.  That’s how I know I still have a sense of naivety  about me.  And maybe that’s not always such a bad thing.  Maybe it’s my innocence that really makes me who I am, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder how I ended up here.  I’ve been done with school for a whole year now, and I have nothing to show for it other than a string of odd jobs & a sense of incompetence.  Why can’t I find my niche?  I think of all my fellow classmates who are on to their “bigger and better things” by now.  They have their dreams jobs, and if not their dream jobs than at least something that will help them get their dream job.  I spend my days wiping other people’s sweat off acrylic.  Sure, my English degree is really coming in handy there.  
How is it that I’ve lived my entire life without knowing what it is I want to do.  I know that people who know me would say I need to be writing.  But writing what?  No one is going to pay me to write.  I don’t want to write dull, stale research articles for some washed up newspaper.  I want to write about things that matter to me.  I want to write about things that matter to people LIKE me.  I think it would be amazing to combine my two passions.  If I could give people life and love advice while writing I’d work all day and all night and never get tired of it.  I always knew I wanted to do something with counseling, but I didn’t want to be come a psychologist/psychiatrist.  I always enjoy it when people come to me with their problems, and I really do invest myself in others.  I really believe I’d be great at that.  The problem is though, it’s not like there’s a listing on Career builders for “advice writer.”  How the heck would a person even get into something like that?  I’ve considered creating a new blog & advertise an email address in which people could write their problems to & I could answer their problems in my blog.  Yes–sounds like a good idea in theory, but again–I can’t make a living like that.  I have a wedding to pay for.  I have a cell phone bill that is through the roof.  Writing may make me happy but it doesn’t provide financial support.  Any thoughts?  Any help?  Please, I’d take any advice at this point.  I am significantly lost.
I can’t decide if it I feel relieved or further depressed to know that I’m not alone in this feeling.  I know that at least one of my co-workers feels the EXACT same way I do.  We share those knowing glances when something ridiculous happens at work.  We know the things we deal with on a daily basis at work don’t matter outside of those four walls, but please–try telling that to the tanners & the owners.  It’s impossible for people to realize that It’s Just A Tanning Bed!
I suppose for now, I’ll continue saving the world: One tanner at a time.
Until Next Time–

About JoElizabeth

I am a writer who loves to explore all different types of relationships. I am most happy when surrounded by my loved ones and furry children. I've never met a stranger, and I talk way too much. My favorite things to do are eat {preferably at a restaurant} with good friends, write, watch DVDs of TV series {especially FRIENDS}, drink lots of coffee and learn.
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